Age is so crazy..

If you have known me for long, I have commented on age. My age, my siblings ages, my parents ages when they had me... I even tell my story as hangers on a timeline of my age.

Some people have told me that I am too concerned with age. I don't think it is a bad thing to use age as a reference point to help process life, as long as you don't determine that certain things are possible or impossible based on it.

Let's just get it out there... I am 36. So, if you are a man who met me at a church, or on my travels, or are a friend of a friend and are stalking me because I am so amazing, I don't want you to have to dig or do "higher math" to figure it out. I am not lying...seriously, I am 36.  Even as I type it, I can't believe it. I shake my head because I look at that number and I think...wow- in so many ways I don't feel much older than 26. Well, until I go on a 4.5 mile hike and am stiff and sore for two days....or I watch my younger friends and think....I definitely think differently.

I heard someone say recently that you don't really know who you are or what your destiny fully is until you are in your 40's. He was in his 50's.  I will attest to the fact that I am just now starting to GET what I was put on this earth for....and some of it is still "not yet"... the difference between now and my twenties is that now I am ENJOYING life and not trying to FAST FORWARD it.

For example, I am the administrator of a school. I don't want to be the administrator of a school for the rest of my life, but I am enjoying it right now.   I want to counsel, mentor, teach, encourage, prophesy and give other people great ideas to implement. I want to WRITE. Oh...and I always want to be a clown...and a wife...and a mom. Not that being a wife and a mom is like being a clown...but I digress.

My point is that I am growing and learning and most importantly LIVING right now. I love the question- "How are things going?" because for the first time I feel like my answer is... GREAT. I mean, I even hit a deer the other day and had a minor melt down, but God is sooo teaching me that HE has this. He is my husband right now and he is going to help me fix this car. I don't have to worry about it. Since I accepted that...I have received $240 and a tip on a mechanic... good start I would say.

I am also growing in my ability to lead others. I see them. I hear them. I love them and for the first time, I am not afraid that they are going to "ruin" the Jenga puzzle of my life. Let me explain- I think that most of my life I was building this puzzle  (have you played Jenga?) and everything was connected. The part that was scary was that when people came into my life and I was "responsible" for them and their actions affected me....I felt like at any moment they were going to pull out the WRONG piece or just slightly move wrong and everything would come tumbling down. So, I would tense up when they made a mistake and then sometimes just fly of the handle or shame them....in a word- CONTROL. Sad, I know. But let's be honest, isn't that why leaders often deal with CONTROL?  I heard Danny Silk say one time that, when you hurt or scare me, I want to CONTROL you...because I just want you to STOP what you are doing that hurts or scares me. Now that I not only see this, but am also not being led this way (for most of my life I have felt like my leaders have treated me the very same way), I am changing and finding healing. God is so good and I am so amazed at the daily opportunities and change.

I am excited for 2012.....so excited in fact that I think I need to spend some time journalling about it and writing about it here... 

Naturalism is why there is unbelief....

So, I was watching this documentary tonight called Furious Love and a guy named JP Moreland said that

"The western church has lagged behind experiencing the power of the Kingdom of God compared to other parts of the world, primarily because we have accepted a worldview called naturalism. We have a tendancy to believe that the natural world really is all there is, that God heals only through medicine, that spirits are multiple personality problems and things like that. "

I had to listen to this multiple times because there was an immediate, "ah ha" in my spirit. I knew that he is right....not just for the "western church" but for people like me.  I finally understand what I have been fighting since first being taught that Father God is a good Father who wants to HEAL everyone...all the Time. It wasn't that I disbelieved...it was that this new "information" was laid on a faulty foundational belief that was not only ingrained in me, but a very real part of my culture.

I had to know more about Naturalism....

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Philosophy 

a. the view of the world that takes account only of natural elements and forces, 

excluding the supernatural or spiritual.

b. the belief that all phenomena are covered by laws of science and that all teleological explanations are 

therefore without value.

Religion

a. the doctrine that all religious truth is derived from astudy of natural  processes and not from revelation.

b.  the doctrine that natural religion  is sufficient for salvation.

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It seems like the philosophy of Naturalism is completely at odds with the basic tenets of Christianity. That to believe in naturalism, I can believe in a nice historic carpenter named Jesus, but not in the Son of God. I can't even believe in God really because He is clearly super (above) natural. So, how can a person both believe in God and Jesus (the cross, salvation) and still believe that all things can be explained by science or what is seen or natural??

Isn't that what we say when we say we believe that Christ died on the Cross, but we don't believe He wants to/can heal? What about phenomena? 

I need God to root out naturalism from me. I have come to know and believe that God is SUPERNATURAL and that I am called to live a SUPER (ABOVE) NATURAL Life.... complete with supernatural love and power to see that Love impact ME and the WORLD around me.

"Father, would you change my foundational beliefs...the routes in my brain that are stuck in Naturalism?"

This prayer is is why I am pursuing steping out and taking risk even when I still have unbelief, because it isn't that I don't BELIEVE the truth, it is that it needs to sink down and strangle the foundation that says "only what I see and can measure is real".... 

This realization brings so much freedom and it seems so much more managable to say that I have been raised in a culture that has taught me to believe only in the natural world....and now I am stepping into the supernatural and I need help with that shift...I am not faulty or in sin...I just need my worldview revamped.

WOW! Jesus can do that...change my world..

it's His speciality.

What about you, what do you want?

Being in the correct lane...

I am sitting in Downtown Franklin, TN.  I don't come here often, but the internet at my house isn't working, so I came to try and get a little work done. I came here during rush hour on a Friday night, maybe not the best time to get work done...just sayin'.

Anyway, something that I have seen over and over again is people that are in the wrong lane to go the direction they want to go.  This area is called 5 points, because there are five major roads that intersect here. In order to go the direction that you want to go you have:

• Know where you are going
• Understand the Signs
• Get in the correct lane BEFORE the intersection

So many times, people were in the wrong lane at the light and held up those behind them. Needless to say the other cars weren't excited about this and showed it in the excited honking of horns and even some not so nice words.

It just made me think that in order to get to where God is taking me...my DESTINY then I need to be in the correct lane... and so, I need to know where I am going, understand the signs and get in the lane before I get to the intersection.

Today I read through my electronic journal from the last few months. I was so encouraged.  I wrote some specific things that God said to me and recently those words have showed up in prophetic words.  Wow...now that is encouraging.  He is speaking more about my NOW future...the not so far away future.

So...I believe I know my destination and God is teaching me more than I could ever imagine about reading the signs (prophecy, dreams, HS,). All of that means that I have more hope that I am getting in the correct lane and I will be there before the next intersection.

Do you know where you are headed?

Can you read the signs?

Are you getting in the correct lane?

Love is

NOT agreement.

When I need to know what love is, I go to the most comprehensive definition and guide I know...1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, ⁵ does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, ⁶ does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; ^7 [b]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

No where in this definition or anywhere I can find in the Bible, does God tell me that for me to love someone, I have to agree with them. So why does that seem to be the primary belief? I heard part of a sermon today by Kris Vallaton and he was talking about this.. it struck me, because I have spent most of my life looking for agreement.

So what is agreement, anyway?

" a state by which several parties share a view or opinion. The state of not contradicting one another."

We build christian community around agreement, I think.  This is what Kris was saying about denominational-ism.  I am not sure that it a bad thing, except that through years of cultural adaptation we have come to believe that agreement is required to have relationship...to express love.

This foundational belief system has a problem...it isn't the heart of God, nor is it how Jesus walked on the earth. Who did Jesus hang out with...the men who followed him, yes....but he also spent time with sinners.

Let's go deeper. The bible says that God so loved the world- does the whole world agree with God? Did it ever? No. Yet, he loves.

Am I saying that I need to change my foundational beliefs, my values so that I can be accepted by people? No. Not at all. But I shouldn't expect them to change to be accepted by me either.

I want to learn how to love someone while disagreeing with them....not changing who I am, but not expecting them to change for me either. Not with a hidden agenda, but simply because.

The best example I can think of is my brother, Jim.  I love him. He is an amazing man, who is kind, smart, funny and I believe he considers himself agnostic. So, needless to say that since I surrendered my heart to Jesus over 24 years ago...we don't really agree on God. I wish I could say that I have shown my brother love all of these years, but the truth is, it took me about 11 years. See, when I was 12, I thought that I couldn't really love my brother until he agreed with me about God. I presented my case, and he didn't agree. So, I walked way and missed out on 11 years of relationship. Finally, when I was about 23...God intervenned and we started a new relationship over mexican food, and alcohol. That was 13 years ago...we still don't agree...but we are closer than we have ever been.  My love for my brother is not dependant on whether he agrees with me....but his opinions haven't changed my value system either.

I want to be able to say this about the world. I don't want to be a used car salesman with my Jesus...He is worth so much more than that.  

So....If Love is NOT agreement...what is it? 

Diagnosis?

A friend was talking about her son and how they don't have a diagnosis of his medical condition and I couldn't get my mind off of the word diagnosis. God was speaking to me in a very strong way while she was talking and others were praying. 

It was as if the word- Diagnosis was made out of huge Blow up letters like the ones my teacher used to teach us the alphabet when I was in kindergarten. It was huge in my head. I kept asking the Lord, what is it? I wracked my concious mind for a definition that was different than just the explaination of a medical condition. I thought of the word in parts- Diag- diagonal? osis? Greek for umm...not sure.

Then right there in the middle of prayer I got my Macbook out and googled it...the first definition that popped up?

 Discernment.

So the funny thing about this is that I would say that I have a very strong gift of discernment.  I have spent much of my life learning how to deal with what I see and feel in situations...mostly through trial and error.  I remember as a young Christian I would just act on what I saw or felt because I thought it was widely understood.  This has also made me very sensitive to the spiritual atmosphere, which I didn't know until I went with a friend to Deep Elum in Dallas and hung out with vampires so we could minister to them. I was so over stimulated in my spirit, I almost didn't know what to do.

Is it any wonder that I spent EIGHT YEARS pursuing a career in medicine? However, tt seems like there are more ways than one to be a part of helping with a Diagnosis, since I seem to use it often in my current line of work (ministry).  There is alot to unpack in this one word, and I haven't even scratched the surface, but I wanted to share.

So...diagnosis is discernment....the Greek language is simply facinating!